25 Reasons Why I Owe My Mother

25 Reasons Why I Owe My Mother

1.   My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
       "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2.   My mother taught me RELIGION:
       "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.   My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
       "If you don't straighten up,
        I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.   My mother taught me LOGIC:
       "Because I said so ... that's why."

5.    My mother taught me MORE LOGIC:
       "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6.    My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
       "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7.   My mother taught me IRONY:
       "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.    My mother taught me about the scientific process of OSMOSIS:
       "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9.    My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
       "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.   My mother taught me about STAMINA:
       "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.   My mother taught me about WEATHER:
       "This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it."

12.   My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
       "If I told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't exaggerate!"

13.   My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE:
       "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14.   My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
       "Stop acting like your father!"

15.   My mother taught me about ENVY:
       "There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have the parents like you do."

16.   My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
       "Just wait until I get you home."

17.   My mother taught me about RECEIVING:
       "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.   My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE:
       "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, your face is going to freeze that way."

19.   My mother taught me about ESP:
       "Put your sweater on. Don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.   My mother taught me HUMOR:
       "When that lawn mower cuts your toes off, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT:
       "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.   My mother taught me about GENETICS:
       "You're just like your father."

23.   My mother taught me about MY ROOTS:
       "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM:
       "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25.   And my favorite -- My mother taught me about JUSTICE:
       "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."